My son has Asperger’s.

Yes he is a bit eccentric, has unusual preoccupations, his interests can be limited and communication and socializing are a challenge. He also has mad skills and talent in remembering the most minute details from a conversation, all the while not looking you directly in the eye, and has in-depth knowledge on Russian culture and Greek mythology. And anime. He can tell you ALL about Anime… And that’s just a drop in the bucket.

They’re Right: Communication is a Challenge

While sitting at the dining room table with him a few a months ago, I ran through the daily, “Did you get your homework done? How was your day?” litany. Occasionally it’s nice to spice things up so I threw in, “Did anything exciting happen?” while I was at it.  My son’s face became animated and he looked me in the eye with an energetic “YES, something exciting did happen!”

He shared that after school he realized that he’d locked his keys inside the house. He did what any of us would do and found an unlocked window and let himself in… This portion of the story was then followed by,

“then the police came, handcuffed me and asked me a lot of questions. But don’t worry Mom, I proved that this was my house and that I belonged here.”

Apparently a neighbor had seen two legs slipping into our home via an unlocked window and called the police.This was very kind of her.  However, I’m not convinced that I would have ever found out that my son had his first and what best be his only experience being questioned by the authorities, while donning handcuffs.

When I asked him, “do you know how many times your parents have been placed in handcuffs” to emphasize the fact that this is information that he needs to communicate to us, he was flabbergasted that our answer was “ZERO!”…..*Sigh*…

Eccentric is. As Eccentric Does

An afternoon phone call from the assistant principal is never a good sign. Especially when your son is in 3rd grade and it’s the fourth day of school. Apparently my son had handwritten a slew of fortunes + handed them out to his peers, whether they wanted them or not.  These fortunes ranged from “you will win the lottery” to “you will lead a short life + die in a plane crash.”

I reiterated to the principal that we would talk to him about the inappropriate nature of the fortunes, content and environment-wise. When I got home, I asked him why he felt it necessary to write such morbid fortunes.  His response, “mommy, life isn’t always filled with good fortune. It has lots of misfortune too.”

Touche

Socializing = Not a Priority

He’s never had a friend. This isn’t because he is: overtly rude + has temper tantrums (like the boy on Parenthood who portrays an Aspergian, don’t get me started on that character’s lack of manners), or angry, or hostile or his head spins. He’s different and it’s obvious. He often perseverates on things that have NOTHING to do with the current conversation or you. It can be frustrating and many people don’t understand someone who doesn’t understand common social cues or someone who takes no interest in what they have to say.

Believe me. We know how frustrating this can be and why it would be difficult to be his friend.  He doesn’t willingly tell us that he loves us  – that too can be tough some days. We get it.

The house phone rang last night.

A boy from my son’s class called for him. He asked to leave a message when we responded that he was out, but would return shortly. Seriously, I paced the floor in anticipation for my son to return so that I could tell him that he had a phone message from a FRIEND… Not a peer whose parents we had made friends with and the boy felt obligated to call. This was a bona fide friend that my son made on his own and who called to talk to him about shared interests. My happiness and excitement was bubbling over, because it wasn’t JUST a phone call.

Finally, despite the layers of differences, someone has discovered the funny, thoughtful, witty and kind-hearted guy that he is.  My son has a friend and I am giddy.

So the next time you get into a one-sided conversation with a socially awkward person, be patient and look beyond your discomfort with ‘different.’ Just beyond it is probably a guy or gal who would drive to the ends of the earth and back to help you fix a flat tire and has some amazing random knowledge about Greek culture that you are just dying to learn about… And somewhere a mother is at home just hoping that you will embrace them as a friend – communication challenges and all.