‘Tis the Season: Make It Count

At nine years of age it was no great secret to me that my mom was struggling to make ends meet. Waking up for school on wintry mornings in Upstate New York to get ready for school meant I’d bring my outfit downstairs so that I could dress on the heating grate in the living room.  Often, there were mornings when there wasn’t any oil in the tank, which meant there wasn’t any heat to accompany this ritual.  Days like these were greeted by my mother pulling out the kerosene heater and our bundling up in the kitchen and playing board games.

We never went hungry.

The occasional monthly trips to the food pantry provided us bCHEESEoxes of dried milk, canned goods and HUGE blocks of cheese. I remember standing in line wondering what in the world people would make with THAT MUCH cheese. My Grandmother – who lived with us – would make homemade macaroni & cheese, cheesy mashed potatoes, grilled cheese served with tomato soup… The cheese recipe list was endless, as was the knowledge that we would always have food on the table and cheese. LOTS of cheese!

Christmas is meant to be *magical*.

Christmas eve would abound with  my sister’s and my whispering of what Santa might bring us and promises to stay awake until we heard him.  On two occasions, Santa’s delivery stopped short of landing under the tree and instead was found on our front porch. Our questions of “why” were met by mother’s explanation that Santa probably had a busier year than most and was running out of time to bring them inside.  It didn’t matter where the gifts had landed, Santa made me feel like a special little girl.

ME Small

I was an Angel Tree Kid.

Later on in my teens, through tears, my mother shared that my sister and I were Angel Tree Kids and that without this program, and the help of our church, Christmas wouldn’t have been a possibility during those years.  The reality that  those toys and the clothes wrapped under the tree and on the porch came from people who truly cared about kids who were in need moved me then and  moves me today.

There is still significant need.

In 2014,14.8% of the US population were living at or below the poverty threshold and 2015 is on track to exceed last year. “The poverty rate in 2014 for chil­dren under age 18 was 21.1 percent.”  As I type this and you read it there are parents –  like my mother – who are working and struggling to feed and clothe their children.  Children deserve to enjoy the naivety and magic that comes with childhood and the holidays… Sadly, many know that a meal, a new outfit or even a tiny hope for a gift is wishful thinking, at best.

‘Tis the Season

ANGEL TREEAgain, this year I’ve “adopted” a 9 year old Angel. She’s the same age that I was when I first became an Angel Tree kid and she too comes from a single-parent household. Her wish list: a pair of $20 jeans, a candy land board game and three miniature Disney Frozen princess figurines…

Once upon a time, someone made my mother’s, sister’s and my Christmas magical. I only hope that in some tiny way I can do the same for others. Helping a family in need, “adopting” an Angel Tree child, donating food to the local food bank/ pantry or taking a shut-in a Christmas meal truly makes a difference my friends.  And in the end isn’t it always fun to make *magic* happen?

Happy holidays everyone – I hope you make the season count.

 

*This is an updated post from 2012

“In Los Angeles everyone is a star…”*

IMG_1211Can I have your attention please?

Just in case you missed the not-so-formal announcement, or care for that matter, I moved to LA.

 

In two short months, I naturally refer to main thoroughfares as THE 101, THE 5, etc., mentally roll my eyes when someone advises me that they’re “in the industry”, am slowly coming to grips with the fact that no one shows up when they say they’re going to and know that people who live in the Valley are “over the hill.”

IMG_1810I FREAKIN’ love this city.

A lifetime could be spent in this town, let alone this state, and one could never fully experience everything it has to offer. But I’m not finally writing a blog post after an eight-month hiatus to inundate you with my favorite places to dine,drinkhike and dance; I just need to have a cathartic moment to give the people who live here a shout-out.

Opinions + Judgement = Fail

Many IMG_2449friends and strangers advised me that LA is, “cold, calculating, superficial and lonely”, among other negative adjectives and diatribes. My response; show me a city that doesn’t have any of these attributes.

I’ve met some fake people, sure. However, they do not define my experience when meeting people in LA in the least bit…. A happenstance run-in with a local has led to my being introduce to the sounds of very talented house music DJs and to a very nice tight-knit Armenian family and their friends. PS There is a huge community of Armenians here in LA. Read up on the culture and the country’s history, PEOPLE and stop giving them a bad rap…Well, most of them!

From striking up a random conversation with someone at the bar only to find out they’re an agent to one of my best friend’s brothers and forcing friendship onto the Abb-ster and the talented songstress, Poeina, to attending a small intimate screening of a small independent flick in a new friend’s home in the hills – people have been welcoming.

IMG_2286My Long Story + Its Moral 

Every experience, whether it’s meeting new people in a new town or having a mini-momentary-heartbreak, is affected directly by how one approaches it and what they make of it. So, I’m grabbing the proverbial bull by the horns and if I fall off the ride/bike, I am going to dust the knees off and hop back on, as I continue on this new adventure of making LA my home… Ideally, forever.

And while I’ve no aspirations of being an “industry” star, I’m going to shine like one anyway.

 

*D. Washington

“Doesn’t Play Well w/ Others”: Looking Beyond ‘Different’

My son has Asperger’s.

Yes he is a bit eccentric, has unusual preoccupations, his interests can be limited and communication and socializing are a challenge. He also has mad skills and talent in remembering the most minute details from a conversation, all the while not looking you directly in the eye, and has in-depth knowledge on Russian culture and Greek mythology. And anime. He can tell you ALL about Anime… And that’s just a drop in the bucket.

They’re Right: Communication is a Challenge

While sitting at the dining room table with him a few a months ago, I ran through the daily, “Did you get your homework done? How was your day?” litany. Occasionally it’s nice to spice things up so I threw in, “Did anything exciting happen?” while I was at it.  My son’s face became animated and he looked me in the eye with an energetic “YES, something exciting did happen!”

He shared that after school he realized that he’d locked his keys inside the house. He did what any of us would do and found an unlocked window and let himself in… This portion of the story was then followed by,

then the police came, handcuffed me and asked me a lot of questions. But don’t worry Mom, I proved that this was my house and that I belonged here.”

Apparently a neighbor had seen two legs slipping into our home via an unlocked window and called the police.This was very kind of her.  However, I’m not convinced that I would have ever found out that my son had his first and what best be his only experience being questioned by the authorities, while donning handcuffs.

When I asked him, “do you know how many times your parents have been placed in handcuffs” to emphasize the fact that this is information that he needs to communicate to us, he was flabbergasted that our answer was “ZERO!”…..*Sigh*…

Eccentric is. As Eccentric Does

An afternoon phone call from the assistant principal is never a good sign. Especially when your son is in 3rd grade and it’s the fourth day of school. Apparently my son had handwritten a slew of fortunes + handed them out to his peers, whether they wanted them or not.  These fortunes ranged from “you will win the lottery” to “you will lead a short life + die in a plane crash.”

I reiterated to the principal that we would talk to him about the inappropriate nature of the fortunes, content and environment-wise. When I got home, I asked him why he felt it necessary to write such morbid fortunes.  His response, “mommy, life isn’t always filled with good fortune. It has lots of misfortune too.”

Touche

Socializing = Not a Priority

He’s never had a friend. This isn’t because he is: overtly rude + has temper tantrums (like the boy on Parenthood who portrays an Aspergian, don’t get me started on that character’s lack of manners), or angry, or hostile or his head spins. He’s different and it’s obvious. He often perseverates on things that have NOTHING to do with the current conversation or you. It can be frustrating and many people don’t understand someone who doesn’t understand common social cues or someone who takes no interest in what they have to say.

Believe me. We know how frustrating this can be and why it would be difficult to be his friend.  He doesn’t willingly tell us that he loves us  – that too can be tough some days. We get it.

The house phone rang last night.

A boy from my son’s class called for him. He asked to leave a message when we responded that he was out, but would return shortly. Seriously, I paced the floor in anticipation for my son to return so that I could tell him that he had a phone message from a FRIEND… Not a peer whose parents we had made friends with and the boy felt obligated to call. This was a bona fide friend that my son made on his own and who called to talk to him about shared interests. My happiness and excitement was bubbling over, because it wasn’t JUST a phone call.

Finally, despite the layers of differences, someone has discovered the funny, thoughtful, witty and kind-hearted guy that he is.  My son has a friend and I am giddy.

So the next time you get into a one-sided conversation with a socially awkward person, be patient and look beyond your discomfort with ‘different.’ Just beyond it is probably a guy or gal who would drive to the ends of the earth and back to help you fix a flat tire and has some amazing random knowledge about Greek culture that you are just dying to learn about… And somewhere a mother is at home just hoping that you will embrace them as a friend – communication challenges and all.

Resolute in Resolve

re·solve  (r-zlv)

v. re·solved, re·solv·ing, re·solves

With 2013 just a few hours away, rest assured I will be joining the ranks of the many people making New Years resolutions. This yearly tradition will not see my committing to a new gym membership to “tame the bulge” because – happily – I am not overweight.  However, it will see a renewed committment to friends, family + self. And maybe self might make up most of my resolution, but when Tammi’s happy everything else in her peripheral is happy too. Or at least that’s what I will keep telling myself… 

1. To change or convert
My affinity for the f-word, even if it’s around my closest friends, is not cool. This love for this particular word and others with similar flare may add color to my storytelling, but it doesn’t add flavor. I’m trading color for flavor this year. We will see how that goes!
 
2. To remove or dispel
My 30s have seen some weeding of my metaphorical garden. Acquaintances in my life are many. True friends are few.  Friendship, like family, is a give-and-take relationship. I will no longer serve as an enabler of addiction to negativity.  When people come into your life and all they do is take and harm, one must reassess.  I’ve used the last few months to do just that. 
 
I am going into this New Year surrounded by wonderful and quirky friends who continually bless me with their patience, love, friendship and,often much-needed, brutal and transparent honesty.  I resolve to the knowledge that sometimes I may be a weak friend. I resolve in knowing that sometimes my friends will be weak. I resolve to reflect on and improve my shortcomings, mourn our losses and celebrate our victories together.  My friends are my family that I chose. Thank you for choosing to join me on this ride. I will do my damndest to not disappoint. (DAGGER – I used a colorful word again!)
 
3. To find a solution to; solve.
My children are growing into a young man and young woman. UGH, I typed it which makes it even more true. Though I can’t “solve” this biological phenomena, I can jump on this wild roller coaster of the teen years, ride it, find the moments of beauty and grow from the experience. 
 
I resolve to breathe and reflect on what they are feeling before I respond to a door being slammed out of teenage angst.  I resolve to stop and listen to their woes, even if I don’t have the “time.” I resolve to hugging them more, despite their thinking they don’t want or need it. 
 
My unconditional love for them is resolute, even if they think at that very moment they don’t like me.
 
4. To make a firm decision about.
 Baltimore Marathon – here I come baby!  My 2012 running year was an awesome one. My goals included: running an entire year injury-free and breaking my personal record/best in a 5k and the 1/2 marathon. Check, check and check. My ahhhhhh-mazing running buddy and great friend, Lila, and I have committed to doing our very 1st marathon together next fall.  I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather take this journey with other than her.
  
2013  
  It’s going to be fun.  
         It’s going to be hard.  
                  It’s going to be monumental.
 
 

‘Tis the Season: Make It Count

At nine years of age it was no great secret to me that my mom was struggling to make ends meet. Waking up for school on wintry mornings in Upstate New York to get ready for school meant I’d bring my outfit downstairs so that I could dress on the heating grate in the living room.  Often, there were mornings when there wasn’t any oil in the tank, which meant there wasn’t any heat to accompany this ritual.  Days like these were greeted by my mother pulling out the kerosene heater and our bundling up in the kitchen and playing board games.

We never went hungry.

The occasional monthly trips to the food pantry provided us bCHEESEoxes of dried milk, canned goods and HUGE blocks of cheese. I remember standing in line wondering what in the world people would make with THAT MUCH cheese. My Grandmother – who lived with us – would make homemade macaroni & cheese, cheesy mashed potatoes, grilled cheese served with tomato soup… The cheese recipe list was endless, as was the knowledge that we would always have food on the table and cheese. LOTS of cheese!

Christmas is meant to be *magical*.

Christmas eve would abound with  my sister’s and my whispering of what Santa might bring us and promises to stay awake until we heard him.  On two occasions, Santa’s delivery stopped short of landing under the tree and instead was found on our front porch. Our questions of “why” were met by mother’s explanation that Santa probably had a busier year than most and was running out of time to bring them inside.  It didn’t matter where the gifts had landed, Santa made me feel like a special little girl.

ME Small

I was an Angel Tree Kid.

Later on in my teens, through tears, my mother shared that my sister and I were Angel Tree Kids and that without this program, and the help of our church, Christmas wouldn’t have been a possibility during those years.  The reality that  those toys and the clothes wrapped under the tree and on the porch came from people who truly cared about kids who were in need moved me then and  moves me today.

There is still significant need.

In 2014,14.8% of the US population were living at or below the poverty threshold and 2015 is on track to exceed last year. “The poverty rate in 2014 for chil­dren under age 18 was 21.1 percent.”  As I type this and you read it there are parents –  like my mother – who are working and struggling to feed and clothe their children.  Children deserve to enjoy the naivety and magic that comes with childhood and the holidays… Sadly, many know that a meal, a new outfit or even a tiny hope for a gift is wishful thinking, at best.

‘Tis the Season

ANGEL TREEAgain, this year I’ve “adopted” a 9 year old Angel. She’s the same age that I was when I first became an Angel Tree kid and she too comes from a single-parent household. Her wish list: a pair of $20 jeans, a candy land board game and three miniature Disney Frozen princess figurines…

Once upon a time, someone made my mother’s, sister’s and my Christmas magical. I only hope that in some tiny way I can do the same for others. Helping a family in need, “adopting” an Angel Tree child, donating food to the local food bank/ pantry or taking a shut-in a Christmas meal truly makes a difference my friends.  And in the end isn’t it always fun to make *magic* happen?

Happy holidays everyone – I hope you make the season count.

Elle of a Good Show

ELLE KING

kissing girls like life’s a dream
to be a man would be serene…”

For those of you who read my blog or read this entry, you are aware that I have a love for music and have a fairly eclectic music palette. I happened upon a musician a couple years ago + had the wonderful opportunity to finally see her live last weekend. So, I can’t resist in sharing talent with my friends AND random strangers.

My  “introduction” to her talent was probably when I was MySpace stalking some new tunes/artists or through a series of YouTube music video threads. Either way, I am rambling and how I found her doesn’t matter. What matters is; she’s a banjo & acoustic guitar wielding musical bad ass and if you haven’t heard her stuff – you must.

Enter stage right –  ELLE frikin’ KING

Currently touring with Of Monsters & Men (another great band, by-the-by), I saw Elle perform at the 9:30 Club in D.C.  I had been looking forward to this concert for awhile and it was Elle who I was most excited to hear.

She is authentic…

Laughing with the crowd and laughing at herself, Elle has a wonderful stage presence. What makes it wonderful? She has a “take me as I am” aura and it resonates in her music too. She appears to be pretty damn comfortable in her own skin and I know very few 30 somethings who enjoy this level of confidence, let alone TWENTY-THREE year old women. (Yup, she’s 23.)

(“Told You I Was Mean“)

…She can write AND sing

Her set was only a mere 30 minutes, but she made the most of her time on stage.  Elle writes her own stuff and combined with her bluesy rock vocals the finished product makes for great ear-candy. The audience was treated to her and her stage partner-in-music-crime’s great cover of Johnny Cash’s Jackson 

(“Song of Sorrow” – Another FAV of mine)

… AND she’s refreshingly hesitant

As with any music fan who attends a show, we always hope we get to hear our favorite song. Did I mention that was the SHORTEST 30 minute set EVER and I didn’t get to hear mine?  Yes, yes I know she wasn’t the headliner and that I was more excited to hear her vs them Why must the best things always go by so quickly?

When the set ended I  *may* have yelled ” please play No One Can Save You.” (yep, I was THAT girl.) Understandably, she couldn’t. But you never know unless you ask, right? RIGHT?

A stop at the bar for a beverage refreshment found me standing NEXT TO Elle.  No, I was not stalking her. That’s rude and, not to mention, crazy.  I did however interrupt her conversation and had to tell her that she put on a great show & that I loved No One Can Save You and that I’ve been a fan for a few years and was excited that she was touring. (I really hope I said excuse me & apologized in my excitement!)

(“Ain’t Gone Drown”)

She was so gracious, sweet and apologized for not singing “my” song. Elle shared her fear that the song’s softer sound wasn’t right for the crowd. When she said that there was hesitancy in her face.

Here is a young and talented woman who is preparing to take the music world by storm and she’s hesitant. In a world today where expressing vulnerability and not giving off an aura of feigned confidence is taboo she doesn’t seem to pay along.

I like it

… and I hope y’all like her too.

A Friend in Review

Stop…  

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted a restaurant review, or anything for that matter. I have a multitude of reasons why and I won’t bore you with any of them. Despite my lack of posts, dining and attempting to live my life to its fullest has been at the top of the daily to-do list… Or at least I was under the impression that the latter was.

For those of you who remember or care, I had promised – on multiple occasions – that a review from me and a group of my friends of Mr. Rain’s Funhouse was on its way.  Did we dine there? Yes.   Did most of us find the food mediocre but the service exceptional? Yes.   Mediocre food and all, the evening was perfect. And in hindsight it was friendship that made it so.

A wonderful friend of ours had invited a small group of us together to catch up and grab a bite. We dined. We sampled one another’s dishes. We laughed at old follies and shared future plans. We hugged and kissed our good byes that evening. It was beautiful.

Breathe…  

Weeks passed by and the friend who planned the evening messaged me with: “when are you reviewing the restaurant?”, “I can’t wait to read what you thought.” & “I really enjoy your blog, Tammi…”

He meant ever word. He’s that friend who wouldn’t have said it, if he didn’t legitimately mean it. As I type that last sentence, I am reminded that now I have to refer to him in the past tense. Sadly, my friend has passed away.

Reflect…

I got TOO b u s y. Too busy to write something as simple as a blog review so that he could read it and comment. Too busy to insist that he RSVP immediately & promise to attend my holiday party so I could see him and his rosey faced smile. Too busy to give him a better and tighter hug that last time I saw him.  Too busy to tell him that I was too busy for a friend.

Embrace…

I am a believer in finding beauty in the spirit of those who pass away. My friend was one of the most reflective individuals I’ve ever known. That evening that we dined out I remember that he looked really happy. He laughed and shared random tid-bits of knowledge about things only he would know. He gave me a wonderful hug and shared that he had a great evening and thanked us for coming. He meant that.

As I reflect upon that evening and who he was as a person, his life inspires me to truly live my life to the fullest, stop allowing “too busy” to define me and do what he did so well in life:

Stop…               Breathe…               Reflect...               Embrace

That’s my review Bill. I hope you would have enjoyed it.

Testing…Do-Re-Mi…Testing…

It’s Going to be Quite a Trip            (Not Really)

I’m a chronic Facebook poster. If you name it, I’ve probably posted about it in either the form of  a grammatical assault on the English language or photos… Many. Many. Photos.

When a friend recommended I take my shopping, dining, cooking and wine problems…err I mean, mad skillzzz to a blog I considered it for a  moment. That’s all it traditionally takes for me.

So friends, here I am. Don’t expect much outside of my many meanderings over: last-minute road trips, restaurants I visit, food I engulf, the copious cocktails/wine I will consume and pictures of cute shoes or outfits I buy.  (Oh and pictures of ME…)

And all the while I will be wondering how the hell I am paying for it all.

Feel free to follow me on the Twitters    @FailingatFrugal (www.twitter.com/FailingAtFrugal)