Sexual Molestation.  Yes, it’s ugly. Yes, I know we don’t want to talk about it. But we need to. Did you know, of those who reported sexual assault to law enforcement agencies, that, “67% were under age 18, 34% were under age 16, 34% were under age 12, and 14% were under age 6?”  I am part of that 34%.

 I was 8.

Most children are molested by someone they know. A recent demographic study showed that:

• 96% were known to their victims
• 50% were acquaintances or friends
• 20% were fathers
• 16% were relatives
• 4% were strangers

My Uncle was my perpetrator.

“Behavioral changes are often the first signs of sexual abuse.”  I started sucking my finger at age 8. This may not seem like a huge behavioral change, however; most children begin this habit before age 5. It comforted me.

Many victims don’t come forward because they’re ashamed and scared. My Uncle was revered by my family. Rarely was there a family conversation about respectability that didn’t involve him as a shining example. He  lived right next door to my Grandparents, his brother. I would often think about who would believe me if I said anything. I also felt dirty…

Vividly I recall my father telling my mother that he didn’t trust a janitor at the local elementary school. He looked at me and said, “baby if anyone ever touches you inappropriately, you tell me. Okay?” At a mere 9 years of age I said to myself, “it’s too late.”

But it’s not too late for us to educate ourselves and protect our children from sexual assault. I grew up in an environment where we didn’t talk about our bodies, sexuality and sex. When I had my first period, I was ashamed and embarrassed to tell my mother.

Eventually in my freshman year in college, I told a relative who was going down the wrong path that I had been molested. Her “woe-is-me” outlook and blaming “life” for her wrongdoings was going to be her demise. So, I shared my story as an example of bad things that could bring someone down, but I hadn’t allowed it to do so. The relative shared this information with my mother. Years later when I told my mother – the one I wanted to protect because I feared she would blame herself – she told me that she knew and brushed it off as though we were talking about the weather.

We Can Stop This Cycle

As parents, we can create an environment that allows our children to feel safe to share. I never wanted my children to experience what I did. Age appropriate conversations about their bodies, inappropriate touching by others and creating a safe haven where they could share anything was of utmost importance to me.They’re now 19 and 16 and now know that I was sexually molested and I’m not ashamed.  

While we cannot fully protect our children from tragedy and harm, we can reassure them that we are their childhood innocence advocates. Empower yourself to tell them that if someone touches them, it’s not their fault and that you will protect them. Because no child should ever have to secretly think to themselves that “it’s too late.”